revolving doors.



where is the line
between
what i deserve

what i think i deserve.



temper.
silence.
"i'm sorry"
rinse.
repeat.
temper.
silence.
"i'm sorry".
rinse
repeat.
temper.
silence.
"i'm sorry"
rinse.
repeat.
temper.
silence.
"i'm sorry"
rinse.
repeat.

repeat.

repeat.



"sorry" can lose it's value when the word is
abused.



i keep crying because i dont know what i want anymore.
it feels hopeless.
your sorry's are hopeless.
useless.
they don't mend that pain you've caused anymore.

and i keep crying.
because what is there after
sorry?

Songs about drinking and alcoholism.

Great news, right? =)

I've decided I'm going to start a journal. Do you have a journal ? What kinds of things do you put in there ? I dont want it to just be about what i did that day, like im planning on drawings, photos, quotes etc.

Are there any journal communities ?

thankssss :)

Arctic Monkeys' Alex Turner unveils two new songs at Mencap gig



Arctic Monkeys' Alex Turner played a surprise set tonight (November 19) at the Mencap Little Noise Sessions.

Taken from NME.COM

( Read more. )

In other news: The boys are planning a fourth album// Richard Hawley would like a piece of Turner

- Have you guys seen this? You can't really see shit, but the whole conversation he's having with these girls is so hilarious. I died laughing here for good 5 mins. LOL



- Also, if you search for the latest "Julian Casablancas" videos on YouTube there are quite a lot of really good quality clips from this week's show in San Francisco. I must say I much prefer that kind of 'straight show', so to speak, over the whole stage settings thing he's got going on in LA. But that's just me.

chocolate milkshakes are too good :]

how is everyone's weekend starting out?!

'Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.'




Almost always, I think the characters I write are real :|

1. The long chain e-mails between the Let The Words Flow girls. Good luck to June on your querying quest! We're all rooting for you! :-)

2. That I FINALLY got back my writing mojo last night (unfortunately at 12:22, just as I was going to bed) and made it to 44k. I know its going to be a long road 'til the end, still, but I'm slowly making progress again. :-)

3. That I got a 90 on a group project for Expressive Arts Therapy. Woo hoo!

4. That its Thanksgiving next Thursday. I can't wait for sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top, turkey, stuffing and other yummy not-campus-cafeteria food.

5. That I went to a networking dinner, didn't meet anyone in my field (grr for being one of few English majors here who doesn't want to be a teacher!), but yet none of them bat an eye when I said "I may be minoring in Women's Studies." I love my school. ♥

The thing about quiet people is that they are usually very awesome. Instead of saying everything that they know, they save it up and just know so much about this and that and have interesting insights on things.

Oh man, aren't I eloquent.

I kind of dislike how I talk these days. It's a bit bothersome, but I guess I can try and revert back to before.

I am excited for my show tonight, but I am also hungry and scared things will go badly!

1. Tomorrow, I leave for Philadelphia and NCTE, which means today I am running around trying to get ready. I was telling one of my babysitters about this trip, and how I'd be doing two talks and signings and author dinners, and she just shook her head. "I just don't see you like that!" she said. "It's like you have an alter ego!" And she's right. Days like today, when I'm loading up my Nice Clothes and Cute Shoes and getting into Work Mode, it does feel kind of strange. Worlds colliding, and all that. To my babysitters, I am just the neurotic person who always collapses, exhausted, the minute they arrive. I disappear upstairs, do something for a few hours, and then return. Little do they know! It's like my little secret. Anyway, the events at NCTE are for attendees only, but on Sunday, the 22nd, I'm doing two public events. At 9am I'll be at Chester County Books and Music to do an author breakfast with the fab Laurie Halse Anderson (go here for more info). And for more info on the benefit at Children's Book World, where I'll be from 1-3, go here and scroll down a bit.

2. Ever since my daughter was born, she has looked JUST like her father. The only people who think she takes after me in any way have never met him. People keep telling me that this will change, that eventually she may take on more of my features. In the meantime, though, I am seeing little hints that she is, in fact, a lot like me. Such as the fact that lately, she's REALLY into two things: shoes and cupcakes. And, of course, books. Genetics works, folks. That's my girl!

3. They're talking about this huge cruise ship right now on GMA, and it's SO making me remember my Love Boat obsession when I was a kid. I used to watch it every Saturday night, and I totally wanted to be Julie McCoy, cruise director. She got to carry a clipboard and eat at the captain's table and go to exotic locales! It seemed like the best job ever. I bet this huge new ship would blow Julie McCoy's mind. There' s a mall! A spa! Manufactured waves so you can surf onboard! And I have a feeling the cruise directors, if they even still exist, do not carry clipboards. That's so 70's. They're probably all robots by now.

4. There was a story in the news yesterday with this shocking truth: movie popcorn is NOT good for you. As Seth and Amy would say, "Really?" I mean, come on. It's loaded with butter and oil and we eat it by the tubful. Did you really think you could tell yourself the fact that it's high in fiber somehow cancels that out? (Can you tell I have tried this argument myself, before?) I've written here recently about my obsession with microwave popcorn, but that is a whole different thing. Movie popcorn is like dessert. But man, is it good. I haven't been to the movies in FOREVER but I honestly miss the food more than the films themselves. If Netflix could figure out a way to ship a tub right to your door, they'd make millions. Not that it would a good thing, necessarily. I'm just saying.

5. Speaking of movies, New Moon opens today, and MAN talk about media saturation. It's everywhere! I missed Stefanie Meyer on Oprah the other day---I'm hoping they'll re-run it---but I do wonder what she's doing today. I mean, talk about having an alter ego. She's a mom, and a regular person, but also this total DEITY as far as readers are concerned. It's not like it's her first movie or anything, but whoa, it's gotta be a little overwhelming. I hope she is having a nice, big cup of coffee right now, or green tea, or whatever is her morning drink of choice. Maybe she'll go buy some cute shoes or something, to celebrate. Have some ice cream. Or movie popcorn. Whatever she's doing, I hope she's getting to enjoy it. What a crazy ride. I can't even imagine.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Today I want to bring together, here on Click Opera, an entry in which you the readers do most of the work, and in which images take the place of text. I'm also interested in how predictable my aesthetics have become. So what I'm proposing is a judgment of Paris; a beauty contest which is also a sifting of values (visual, aesthetic, political, semantic, sexual).

I want to see images of females, girls, women you think are totally my type. They should be wearing clothes, that's important. People without clothes are stripped of cultural referents, and we want those. They should be people who style themselves rather than have professional stylists, and they should be ordinary people, not celebrities. Street style sites like Facehunter might be a good place to source the images, or Flickr feeds. They shouldn't be people I know in real life. Be nice to me in your comments (yes, I am very old, and a bit funny looking) and be nice to the women.

At midnight CET I'll select a winning image -- the person I find most appealing, according to my own personal aesthetic code. I hope I won't have to exclaim "You never knew me!" I think by now you probably do.

Update (midnight CET): What an exciting finish! With about twenty minutes to go before the non-sexist gong sounded, this very beautiful image arrived:



While it looked for a while as if this indie musician would win, the judges -- all right, judge -- decided that she must be excluded as, possibly, a "celebrity", and, possibly, styled (though these things aren't really provable, and we don't know who the woman is).

And so this woman was chosen instead:



The judges (all right, judge) particularly liked the elegant hooded white garment, the expression of intent concentration, and the evidence of creative endeavour (carving) in the picture. Thanks to all who submitted pictures.

My head is still spinning and the effects of the drinks have not worn off, so if i spell things wrong, please, forgive me. I'm doing my best.

Sometimes, you need to be wanted. You need to be wanted and to feel something, even if you know in several hours you'll feel awful. I didn't expect a message off him. I thought, well, i thought he'd forgotten about me. He hasn't spoken in a while. No message. No comments. No texts. Nothing. But now.

I had someone else in bed. I won't lie: I enjoyed it. He made me feel good. He held me. I told him what to do, and he did it. And then when i needed him to leave, he went. And yes, i needed him to go so i didn't feel so dirty in the morning. I needed him to leave because i already felt that feeling sinking in. I knew it was coming and i couldn't bare to wake with another man in my bed.

He sent me a message around ten minutes after that man left. I didn't know if would come. I wanted it to come for so long, that one thing. I loved him in my own and couldn't show it. All i needed was for him to accept it. And now, now he has. Two months too late. When i've made love to someone i don't know, don't care about at all. I loved him. He took to long. I rememeber how it used to be. He'd hold me and say he cared. We'd sing together and drink until the world melted and then suddenly he was just gone. He didn't care. I had to move on, didn't i? What could i do?

Sleep with someone else of course.
At the worst moment.

it starts with the little things:
      "do you want regular or decaf?"
      "i'll take decaf," but you give him regular.
then the next thing you know, you're taking a polaroid of a boy, shirtless, in the guilty morning light.

I have a new love interest and I'm excited.

- So I see no one posted this yet. Swedish girl from HTE posted some cool Julian stuff last night.

- Listen to a radio interview with Julian. Or if you want to download a file click HERE!

- Some more fan photos, this time from Tuesday in San Francisco...

( He looks right about 15 on these. )

- And a totally awesome article in the new issue of Rolling Stone. Jules talks about his record collection, AND a very positive Strokes quote.



( A picture taken in his New York apartment. Yes, you heard me right. )

P.S. OH REALLY?! Ryan seriously needs to start caring again. What an epic fail.

for http://mxportraits4.blogspot.com/